It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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