if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
worst night to have a conscience
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
