Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
