I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
