Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
