I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
