They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i now understand why vodka
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
