I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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