Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
