the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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