I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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