The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
