You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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