I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
