u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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