Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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