Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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