Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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