oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
