I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
