i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
