they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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