I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
