I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
