dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
