You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
