I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
