Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
