Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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