I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
