I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Why is your signature on my underwear?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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