Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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