did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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