Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
