dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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