i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize