At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
