I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
