I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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