we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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