His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
