dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
