Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
