So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
