oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
