this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You are a genius and a whore.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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