I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
