I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
