I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i dont even know how to be here
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
