I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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