The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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