big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
