I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
