spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
