I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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